What a busy day

I always enjoy the weekends that Wayne has off because we definitely are able to get in some wonderful family time! It is even better after he is coming off of his night shift rotation because we hardly ever see him, but in passing, when he works nights. Today just happened to be one of those days. We just spent the day together, enjoying each other's company with Jackson included.

I got up around 7:30 to pick up my mess in the kitchen from baking a cake. I also needed to finish one up before it had to be delivered. Jackson watched some Tom and Jerry cartoons on DVD while I worked. Wayne knew we had to take Jackson to get his hair cut around 10:30 so he got up around 9. I had already finished my cake and the cleaning up. The cake recipeient came to pick it up and all of us got ready to head out.

Our missions today were to: Jackson's hair cut, Lowe's to get some nails to fix our fence that blew over some in the hurricane last weekend, and check on the new house. We did the whole hair cut thing and then headed to Lowe's While we were there, we got Jackson his own tool kit so that he could help Daddy with all the fixin' of the fence. He was so excited. We also wanted him to hold our hand in the store because there were a lot of people there and he is really begining to wander... but, in his resistance to hold hands he said "I want to walk like a big boy!" So, I had to remind him that he could walk like a big boy, but he had to stay with Mommy and Daddy. He had to be reminded a few more times before we left too. He is definitely showing some desire for independence...

After Lowe's, we had lunch and then went to the new house to find this...

Well, I have to say that when we arrived just after lunch, they only had the two front walls up (with the window holes in them). This picture was taken when we went back later in the afternoon (after the workers had left) to see how far they had gotten. They are definitely rollin' now! They had to wait a few days to start again because of all the moisture from the hurricane, but hopefully we will be relatively dry for a little while so they can get a large portion of the framing done.

After the visit to the lot right after lunch, we went back home and started working on fixing the fence. We really had some minor damage, but it did need to be fixed. Jackson was so excited because he could use his new tools with Daddy. The kit came with a hammer, two screw drivers, goggles, and a tape measure. Wayne put the tape measure on Jackson's shorts and Jackson hammered on any and everything he could. :) Wayne also reminded him that this tool kit was for outside and he could play with his Handy Manny tools inside. The new tools could definitely do some damage inside by a two year old!

Wayne started off by trimming down a piece of wood with his hand saw. Jackson didn't like that too much. I guess it made too much noise. He did get better with it after Wayne used it a couple more times. I guess he had to get used to the sounds it made. He is such a skiddish kid! He does take after me on that!

Wayne then started to pull the peice section of fence that blew over back into it's place. Jackson stood with him and watched every move he made. Not only did he watch, he asked questions. And more questions, and even more questions. Wayne asked me several times if I could become the favorite parent again! :) I just laughed at him.

I really enjoyed just watching Jackson today. There were a couple of times that he asked me to hold his hammer and I got a little aggrivated because I was trying to help Wayne and I just didn't have any hands to hold it and he got mad a me because I told him no. Yes, the typical two year old, I guess. 

And after a long afternoon in the heat and playing around at the new house, Jackson was ready for something cold. So, we went and got shaved ice and he had to have a blue one! I told him after he was done that he looked like a smurf. He just said "huh?". He has seen the movie but I guess he doesn't know what they are. Oh, well, I would say this was a good day spent. I sure do love my boys!

An update

Our little neice arrived. :) Annabelle Faith was born on July 18th. She was 5lbs 11ozs and 19.5 inches long. She was 4 weeks early so the doctors were watching her closely to make sure everything was okay. She did have to be air lifted to a larger hospital in the area because they have a NICU unit and they would be able to better handle her under precautionary measures. She only stayed in the hospital 6 days and came home July 23rd. We are so excited to have her here and she is just so tiny. Her older brother is very protective of her and loves her very much.

The evening Annabelle was born, Wayne and I had already planned to take Jackson to a baseball game. We went ahead and went and I am glad we did. We always have a lot of fun and I think Jackson really enjoys himself. On the way out (back to the car) Jackson started singing "1, 2, 3 strikes you're out; at the 'ole ball game"! All by himself. Too cute!

That Tuesday, our meeting went well. Thank you for the prayers. Still keeping information about that kind of quiet but hopefully it won't be much longer because it is exciting news! :) Keep on praying though.

Ten pounds down, by the way. I am excited about that as well. I definitely have my mind set on this and I will do this! :) Thank you for keeping me accountable (eventhough you may not know that you are).

I really think that is all the updating for now. Other than cakes, cakes, and more cakes. I will post more pictures soon.

Lists

I guess I will try something new. I have seen this done on a couple of other blogs that I follow and it seems to make for a quick read. I would like for it to mean that I will at least blog once a week, but I am going to quit making empty promises. Lets face it... I am just too busy.

Anyway, the gist of this type of posting is just to “list” certain things on my mind. That way there is no specific topic I have to write about. Got it? That was easy, right? Here goes. Week 1...

1) I am really thankful for the small blessings of cake orders I have seemed to receive over the past month. I have four, yes FOUR to make this week!
2) I have been earnestly praying for a phone call that my husband needs to make this week. No details right now, but hopefully soon, I will be able to enlighten you guys. Just pray with me please. The Lord knows the request.
3) Jackson’s potty training is ... well, um... has slowed. I really just got frustrated with making him do something he just plainly didn’t want to do. I just don’t think he is ready. However, we still go when he has the desire to go. I am definitely not going to turn him away from going, if he tells me he wants to go. The problem is, he has usually already gone in his diaper when he tells me he wants to use the potty. We will get there... hopefully it will just happen before he is 5.
4) I am very excited about an upcoming ADULT trip that my husband and I are taking at the end of this month. We have planned a trip to Williamsburg, VA with another couple and the babies are staying home! Wayne and I definitely need some time away. Not necessarily away from Jackson, but just some time away from the daily musings of life. We will be gone for a long weekend and little man will be able to spend the time with all three of his grandmas! He’s so lucky!
5) I have to take my car in the morning to be looked at. For some reason, it seems to idle high or have a slight roaring sound when I turn the wheel, back up into a park, or let my foot off the gas to slow a bit. I have had a couple of people say that it could be my power steering, but I am not really sure what it is. I just want to get it fixed before the warranty runs out. I also don't want to take it and them tell me there is nothing wrong. That is so frustrating. We'll see.
6) I have been reading "The Brotherhood" by Jerry B. Jenkins. He co-authored the Left Behind Series with Tim LaHaye. It is actually a very good read if you are into police stuff. I kind of have to be. :) It is just very frustrating because it has taken me about a week to get through the last 4 chapters because I cannot seem to find the time to get to them, or I fall asleep reading them. Maybe tonight, after this posting.
7) I went to the pool yesterday with a friend of mine and got burnt to a crisp. I hurt. Bad.
8) I saw this verse on a print that can be ordered through an etsy shop this week and it has been on my brain... "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
9) So ready to see Courageous -- in theaters September 30, 2011!
10) I found a new favorite song by Sidewalk Prophets. The bridge of the song is so powerful to me.
11) OK... I think I just heard a THUD in my attic above my kitchen... Yes, I think we have mice up there... and I HOPE THEY ARE NOT MAKING THEIR WAY DOWN!! I hate those things. I am so scared to go up there now. We have GOT to get rid of them though.

Okay. That's enough for now. Going to try and sleep so that I don't hear anymore noises.

Just thinking...

Wayne and I are going through an adventure right now and trying to make decisions about our near future. Opportunities are presenting themselves and we are getting very excited. I don’t think I want to open up about anything yet (and no, we are not expecting) but hopefully I will be able to give more details soon. All of that is for another posting though.

We have been doing a lot of prayer about these opportunities and through a women’s bible study I am participating in, I have been thinking a lot about God speaking to me. Thinking about the different ways that He does speak and also getting answers to our prayers that may not necessarily be what we want. I am really trying not to get my hopes up about anything but it is really hard not to stay on cloud nine.

And then, this morning, I received my daily bible verse on my phone:

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’” Hebrews 13:5

When I read this, all I could do was stare at “be content with what you have”. I try to tell myself this everyday. I don’t want to get too excited about things moving along in life and forget to ask God what he wants me to do or even worse, IGNORE what he wants for me. But is this how He is speaking to me? Am I trying to ignore it because that isn’t want I want?

This is so hard. I hate the battle of knowing what we want and knowing that He knows best – which may not match what we want. Should I struggle with this? Probably not, but I do. The next step? Getting back on my knees and try to gain a better understanding of what He wants for us.

Hmm...

I am really not sure how to begin this posting. I am not a confrontational person but sometimes I feel like I should take a stand. I have been praying for boldness and I think this is one of those times that I should be bold for my beliefs.

This morning, I happened upon a posting from a blog that I have been following. The blog is 31 Rubies and the posting that I read can be found here. Please take a moment to read this so that you will understand where this is coming from.

After I read this posting, I went to their “About” section to remind myself of the mission of the blog. I knew that it was based on Proverbs 31:10 but I wanted to see again how the administrator stated what the purpose of the blog was. Here is what I found: “The purpose of 31 Rubies is to glorify God while encouraging, educating and inspiring mothers from all walks of life.” This is a GREAT mission. However, I am struggling with how this posting upholds to that mission.

One issue that I have with this posting are the references to beer and drinking beer. All over this blog, in general, are statements of Christian beliefs, bible verses, and again ensuring that they are glorifying God. The bible tells us that we should not be “drunk with wine” specifically in Ephesians 5:18. Now, I know that most of our flesh minds would say “that says to be ‘drunk’ ”. However, in Romans 13:14 it is written, “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” So, should we not drink at all because that does gratify the desires of the flesh? I don’t think that should be a question that I should answer but something that one should pray about and discern with God.

The other thing that I find hard to swallow about this is the fact that this is a mothering blog. The writer mentions of drinking beer on the beach where I would make the assumption that her children are there also. As Christians, we are to be Christ-like. We are to separate ourselves from worldly things and things that are unclean. “You shall therefore separate the clean beast from the unclean, and the unclean bird from the clean. You shall not make yourselves detestable by beast or by bird or by anything with which the ground crawls, which I have set apart for you to hold unclean. You shall be holy to me, for I the Lord am holy and have separated you from the peoples, that you should be mine”, Leviticus 20:25-26. I just don’t see this as being the best example we can be for our children or any one else that may walk in our path.

The main point that I am trying to get across is our image. Again, we are to be Christ-like. If someone walked past you on the beach as you were slurping down a beer and knew that you were a “Christian”, what type of image would that portray? I would hope to think that you would believe it wouldn’t be a very good one. The person walking by doesn’t know that you aren’t “drinking in excess” or “to get drunk”. What if that person was very close to becoming a Christian and then they see you drinking? Would it be enough to throw that person aback and not want to make the awesome change in their life of becoming a Christian? What kind of Christian example does this leave for your children?

As I close on my thoughts, let me just say that I have really enjoyed following 31 Rubies. I think the ladies have had very valuable information from all walks of life and have given great ideas/suggestions from several different family types. It’s also fun to get a good chuckle from some of the stories that are shared through the postings. I would just like for all of us to ponder on and pray about our “unspoken testimonies”. They show a lot more than we think!

Can I just tell you one more thing?

Everytime I look back at my blog and see the second picture that I just posted of my husband, my heart just flutters and I have to smile at that crazy man! Sappy I know but the picture just captures everything I love about him. His sense of humor (can't really remember what he was laughing at himself about, but I do remember laughing with him), his warm heart, and (although I may be partial) his good looks! I pray, everyday, that we will be this much in love and more at 90 years old.

By they way, I am now able to use my cell phone as a "hot spot" (so they call it). You will see lots more of me now... If you can't already tell!

You really wanna know the truth?

The truth is...

1) I really want my home internet back. Really bad.
2) I think I want to pay off our bills more than I really want my internet back. (some days)
3) I am starting to get scared of this job God gave me called parenting. Am I really doing everything right? If so, why does Lil Man cry EVERY SINGLE TIME I change his diaper, or give him a bath, or put different clothes on. We do the SAME thing every day. EVERY DAY, JACKSON! Yet you still try to avoid it and cry as hard as you can.
4) I wasn't truthful in all of truth #3. See #5.
5) Jackson doesn't get a bath everyday -- especially since it has been cooler. I hate that he cries when I start to wash him. I cannot remember the last time we had bathtime and we laughed the whole way through. :/
6) You know you have chicken too much when your husband asks "What's for dinner?" and you get "again?" with a huge sigh when your answer is yes.
7) I absolutely hate to clean. Period.
8) It is definitely awesome to have continued peace about a decision you have made in life. Wayne and I recently moved our membership to another church and I am continuously seeing the fruits from that move.
9) My husband is an awesome man.
10) I wish that I would follow through on a lot of things that I set up in my mind like losing weight and becoming a better me, mom, wife, daughter, and sister. Why can't weight come off as easy as it comes on?
11) I really don't sleep as good when we are away from home and my big 'ole doggie isn't in the bed, sharing my pillow with me.

I think that is all for now. Falling asleep anyway. I hope this helps you see more of ME! Goodnight.

Happy Valentine's Day

From my Dad. He surprised me today at work and brought me this! :) Love!

Why is it?

Why is it that when I feel like I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel, it just seems to get pitch black again? At the drop of a hat…

I am really struggling this week. I am going to be blatantly honest with my posting today. I will probably let this one sit in the drafts folder for a while before it actually gets posted, because I am really laying my heart out. Almost being too open but this is my outlet. This is my open table. This is where I can just put my feelings out there and hope that most of you will just say a silent prayer for me. I worry a lot about what I put on this blog because, c’mon people, it’s the internet. I have NO idea who is reading this. Yes, I may see that I only have 5 followers but really they are the only ones that are willing to admit that they read my postings.

At the beginning of January, I made a commitment with myself, my husband and God that I would try harder to handle our finances better. We are trying to cut out all unnecessary monthly expenses and I think we have done all the “cutting out” that we can do. I am so sick and tired of living pay check to pay check. Do I know that I am not the only one that does this? Yes, of course I do, but I absolutely hate it. Yes, hate is a very strong word and I just don’t throw it out, but that is the word that has to be used here.

As we are coming upon the later part of January it seems as though our efforts are paying off just a little bit – efforts meaning cooking dinner at home every night, taking my lunch, not driving all over the place for unnecessary reasons. I think we have a very small nest egg (I am talking more like a tadpole egg) in our checking account until we get paid the next time. This would be considered our “light at the end of the tunnel”.

And then, a birthday for a special little man in our lives arrives. I thank God every day for the blessing that he gave us through Jackson. He means more to me than words could ever express. I will tell you that we haven’t been giving extravagant gifts to Jackson. Honestly, we just can’t afford it. And I know that he doesn’t care what he gets at this age, but as his mom, I want to be able to do everything for him.

So, yesterday on my lunch break, I ventured to Target to get his birthday party stuff. I was able to get him 2 toys and an outfit. Is that plenty, yes. And I am satisfied with my purchases, at this point, but to see my receipt. TO SEE MY RECEIPT!! I just cry. A co-worker of mine tells me not to worry, everything will work out. I know that it will. It is hard for it to sink in – especially when I don’t want to spend any money at all.

Then, I make a call to Jackson’s doctor because he has a horrible cough that is not getting better. It also sounds a little bit like croup. I was thinking that they could just send a prescription in to the pharmacy and we would be good. No, gotta take him in… especially if it is croup because he will have to get breathing treatments as well as maybe a steroid… another co-pay… on top of the costs of the prescriptions.

So, our tadpole egg has been cut in half and we still have another week before pay day. Now is where I would insert “pitch black”. Again. It is a never-ending cycle.

I am really not complaining, just venting. I know that we got ourselves in this situation on our own but we have to get out of it… and it will just take time and a lot of will power and prayer to get out of it. It is a lot like dieting, I guess.

I will need to take a few moments to reflect on the blessings through this.

1) Jackson is here and we are able to celebrate another birthday with him.
2) For the most part, he has been a very healthy baby/child.
3) We able to have very good insurance that covers the majority of our medical expenses.
4) We both have JOBS!

It really all could be worse. It is my prayer that I am able to overcome this darkness and see the blessings that do outweigh all of this. Thank you all for “listening”. Even all of you who don’t want me to know that you are “following” me. :)

New Year, Fresh Start

Happy New Year!
Wow, I cannot believe another year has passed us by. In an effort to try and play “catch-up”, I am going to help you re-live our past year in a quick little posting.

January: Jackson turned 1!! We planned a small birthday bash at our home and the snow fell, and fell, and fell some more. There were many who couldn’t come but we still had a great time celebrating this wonderful milestone with Jackson.

February: Wayne and I were able to enjoy a weekend to ourselves on a marriage retreat with our church. It was definitely nice to get away but it was even better to get home and see little man again. I also was able to purchase a new digital SLR that month. It has been fun trying to learn how to use that.

March: Jackson had his first battle with the stomach virus. That was just lovely. Oh, and he didn’t keep it to himself either. He just had to give that to Mommy too! Enough said about all of that! Bo did celebrate his fifth birthday this month. He is such a special addition to our family. We sure do love that dog!

April: Wayne turned another year older! He had to work on his birthday this year but I did take him his favorite dinner… fried chicken and yeast rolls! We also celebrated the day of our risen Lord and Savior, Easter.

May: Another year was added to my life this month as I turned 28. We also celebrated Mother’s day. My May was very special this year. You see, I was actually born on Mother’s day in 1982 and every so often, my birthday will fall on Mother’s Day. It happened in 2010. So, in an effort to celebrate my birthday and Mother’s day, my mom planned a surprise trip for her and me. The destination? San Fransisco, CA. Didn’t actually find this out until we got to the airport the morning we left. She told me she chose the destination because it was her mother’s favorite city and she wanted to go and see the city for the first time with me.

June: We took Jackson to his first baseball game. He really LOVED the french fries. I tell ya, he is a boy after his mom’s own heart! He did make it through the whole game, he was just a little frightened when the fireworks started at the end. Typing this makes me reflect on those nice summer days/nights spent with family and friends. Nothing could ever replace those moments.

July: We took a trip to Atlanta see my aunt and her family. It was kind of a reunion for my mom’s side of the family. It was nice to spend a long weekend with everyone. Wayne and I were also able to go to a Braves game. I had been to one before but that was a first for him. Jackson also turned 18 months old this month!

August: Jackson had his 18 month check up scheduled for August 13th. I was a little concerned because by the end of July, he wasn’t walking yet. I told Wayne that I was definitely going to mention it to the doctor when we went. However, I didn’t want to have to discuss this with him, I wanted Jackson to walk. Well, low and behold… the week before his appointment, the boy was walking! We were so excited. However, we knew that this was another step for gaining more independence and that definitely frightened me a bit! My baby was growing up.

September: Wayne and I celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary in Atlantic Beach. Jackson also went to an ENT specialist to discuss options for tubes. The doctor told us if he had another ear infection within the next 6-8 weeks, to call him and we would schedule a surgery date. He also explained that having his adenoids removed would be best as well so that we could try and resolve a lot of Jackson’s congestion.

October: Jackson had a pretty big bang up at day care. He was walking on the side walk and tripped. He scratched his nose pretty bad. We went to Charlotte to celebrate my cousin’s daughter’s (Sydney’s) 2nd birthday. Jackson went bowling for the first time. He also helped her open her presents. We went to the fall festival at our church and Jackson dressed up like a cow and had fun playing several of the games. It will be interesting to see next year when he really tries to play for candy!

November: Jackson did have another ear infection so his surgery to have tubes put in and have his adenoids removed was November 17th. He did really well with the surgery and slept most of the day after the surgery. He spent the rest of the week with Wayne at home and they definitely got a lot of bonding in! I also cooked a Thanksgiving meal for my in-laws. This has seemed to become a tradition. I hope it sticks. I really enjoy doing that for them. It is always great to sit down and reflect on the things that we are thankful for and to count our so, so many blessings. Many that we don’t even deserve.

December: Wow, did this month run upon us! My brother got married on the 4th of the month. Christmas seemed to just jump into my lap and then run away really fast. Because of Wayne’s work schedule we did celebrate with family three weekends in a row. It was nice to have plenty of time for each family group and not have to rush off to the next place and try and see everyone in one day. We also learned that Jackson definitely found a larger portion of his vocabulary. It was so neat to see how much more he was talking since he had tubes put in his ears. I guess he could really hear for the first time.

On the last day of the year, we spent the evening with my brother and his wife at a joint friend’s house. We all brought in the New Year watching the ball drop on tv. Jackson even stayed awake for the midnight ball drop!

I know that I am leaving something out but I think this definitely highlights 2010. I am so thankful for another year and we will just have to see what is in store! Please know that much to your liking (hopefully), I will try and blog more often. My husband talked me into getting a nifty “smart” phone for Christmas so, now I have the internet on my phone. Pictures may be limited but hopefully I will be able to just write more often. I really do miss it!

Contentment

(please note: this is a long one!)
Recently, I have had several battles with being content. I believe that this is evident in many of our lives because we are all human, but I have just been severely struggling with it and I believe Wayne has too. I have blogged about our ventures in trying to pay off some debt and that is going well. We both know that we need to get that off of our shoulders and we have been praying that we never allow ourselves to get there again.

However, both of us are striving so hard these days for the next step in life. Wayne really wants a new house – a bigger house. I, most days, would like to have another child soon so that Jackson will not be so much older than his sibling. I know that it is okay to dream. That is healthy for us; we need to strive to have more. However, I find that at times, these two items just consume us. Consume our daily lives and most of our conversations.

On several different occasions Wayne has told me that he is just tired of me talking to him about another baby. He is tired of everyone saying something to him about another child. I told him that I would do better about it but we are in the time in our lives when others are just going to mention it. We are in the childbearing years and that is what people our age talk about.

I was talking to my mom Saturday evening about all of this and that I had been going through these battles internally. I had mentioned that if I have to stop talking about another child and be content with Jackson, then why can’t he (Wayne) be content with the house that we have. Why do I always have to hear about his plans for the new house, what he wanted to do, where he wanted to build at, etc. The response? The wise words from Mom? “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT!” “Don’t worry about any of it. God, in his perfect timing will provide”. “You will kill each other dealing with this mess.” She is so right.

“Don’t worry about it!” filled my head for the rest of the evening. I have consciously made an effort to quit worry about it. I have prayed that God would help me be content and I have continued to thank him for everything he has provided for us and everything additional that he has allowed us to have.

Yesterday I was driving to get Jackson after work. The thoughts and conversations about all this stuff hadn’t come to my brain so far for the day. However, the radio announcer started introducing the next song… “Waiting Room” by Jonny Diaz (lyrics below)… I had heard this song before and listened to some of the words. However, this time I listened to each word and boy, did it hit home.

God definitely has his perfect plan for our lives. Again, just because Wayne and I want a new house and another child doesn’t mean that we need them right now. God knows what He is doing and if we have to wait a little longer, we need to be happy with that. Even if He tells us no for one of them or both, we have to still continue to praise Him for the blessings that he has given us. There is a reason for every decision that He makes and we must strive to be content with those decisions.

Here in this waiting room yearning for You to say go
And though I’m convinced that a yes would be best
This time You’re telling me no

It’s not that I don’t have an answer
It’s just not the one that I’d like
But through this time Lord I must keep in mind
You’re always wiser than I

You have a much better purpose
And You have a far greater plan
And You have a bigger perspective
Cause You hold this world in your hands

The things that I seek are from You
Like the strong healing touch of your hand
But when You say no help me trust even though
There’s a reason I can’t understand

When that miracle comes cause Your answer is yes
I will praise you for all of my days
But when Your wisdom declares that a no is best
I will praise You just the same

Day 1: No cable, no internet...

Not so bad... for me.

Explanation: I guess I will just make a long story short. Wayne and I have made some silly decisions about credit since we have been together for our 10 and a half years. During this time frame, we have racked up quite a bit of debt, did a debt consolidation loan to pay it all off and racked up some more. We have gotten to the point now where we are on fire to get all this debt paid off because we really want a new (and bigger) home. So, in the spirit of things, we have decided to cut off our home phone, internet and cable. We have lived without the internet and cable before and now, cell phones are so much easier, we have just decided to cut those unnecessary expenses.

However, without internet and cable, we will definitely be able to do more things in the evening such as getting out to take walks together. So, I don’t see this as being a totally bad thing! It will be harder to get friend updates without Facebook at my fingertips, and it will be harder to get blogs posted – especially with pictures, but I will try and manage.

Now, please let me speak for my self about this transition being easy on day one. Because, Wayne has been home most of the day, I have been at work. I have had things to occupy my time. His Playstation will definitely have more use in the near future. Hopefully he won’t complain too much! After all, we have EVERY intention of turning the cable and internet back on after all of this is over with.

Our time table is to have all of our unsecured debt paid by December 2011. I know this is possible; we just have to stick to it. We have done well for the 1st two weeks. It is much easier knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel. However, I will give you an update in about 2 months to let you know if we have pulled our hair (hmm… my hair) out!

Thinking...

Over the past few weeks, I have been trying to think about different things to blog about. Yes, I know it is always fun to read about the Little Man of the house, but musings of Wayne and I are fun too, right?! Okay, so maybe that should have been a rhetorical question...

Well, Monday, I had this idea to Google "verse of the day". I am not sure why I thought about this but after my outcome, I really believe God was telling me something. As I typed the words and clicked "search", the first result was a link that stated, "verse of the day". So, I clicked on it and this is what I found:

"Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves.

Do what it says." James 1:22 NIV

I read it once, then read it again. Then went to find other translations. Through my studies, I know that the New International Version does paraphrase so I wanted to make sure I had the bulk of the verse. Here it is in the King James Version:

"Be ye doers of the word and not hearers only,

deceiving your ownselves." James 1:22 KJV

Wow. I read it a fourth and fifth time. Each time I seemed to get hit with a ton of bricks. Each time I read the verse, in my mind, I seemed to put so much more emphasis on "DO WHAT IT SAYS!" All too often I find myself just going through the motions... Just listening. I seemed to have been getting my "wake up" call as I continued to read this verse. It is not all about just going to church and reading the Word, you have to put what you have learned to action. Because like the verse says, I am only hurting myself if I am only a listener. To get the bulk of what God wants me to know, hear, and understand, He wants me to live His Word as well -- in everything I do.

Its kind of funny (I am not sure if that is the proper word to use here, but that is the only one I can think of right now) how one little verse can turn into a small devotional. How God can do so much talking to me after reading one verse. Do I believe that it was a "coincidence" that was the verse I was going to find Monday. Nope, not at all. It was meant for me that day!

In closing, here is something for you to ponder. I searched "verse of the day" again today and found this:

"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward apperance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 NIV

"But the Lord said unto Samuel, look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 KJV

Our Saturday

This morning we traveled to a nearby outlet center. The mission: to purchase a pair of Stride Rite walking shoes for Jackson. As you may have noticed in my last posting, Jackson is still not walking on his own. I honestly think fear plays a large part in the reason why he isn't letting go. However, I want to be able to help him in any way I can.

I have heard several moms say that these shoes are they best thing they could have ever bought... and to be honest, the only reason why I hadn't purchased them yet was because they aren't the most "stylish" shoes. I and Wayne both, just didn't think they were all that cute. This week, though, the daycare ladies were talking about this other little boy that started walking basically the same day he had the shoes on. They told me that he had gained much more stability because the ankles were being supported. So, I made the decision to buy some.

We arrived at the Stride Rite store and they had every single size imaginable... even extra wide. We found out that Jackson needed a 5 extra wide. However, when I actually put those on his feet, they seemed to be too big. So, we ended up with a 4.5 wide. Oh, and much to my surprise, Jackson did not fight me to try the shoes on. It almost seemed as though he was excited to try them on... all four pairs I put on his feet!

After his nap when we got home this afternoon, he pushed everything he could around the house. Did he ever let go? Not yet, but I can definately tell that he enjoys walking in them. We will just have to wait and see how this week goes.

Oh, and you ask, am I worried about his late walking? Um, some days. But most of the time, I am really okay with it. I joke with everyone by telling them that I am not expecting him to walk on his own until he is 2 and I think he is trying to not make me out to be a liar! However, we go to his 18 month doctors appointment on the 13th, so I am going to mention it to his doctor if he still is not walking on his own. Maybe he can offer up some advice on tricks in getting him to let go. We'll see.

We will definitely have a party when he does let go though! That will be such a happy day! :)

Slow Fade

I am really not sure why this song has been on my brain so often lately ... but it has. There is so much truth to the words of the song. The words really make me think about the many decisions in my life, good and bad, and how those decisions have made me who I am today.

I guess it "pounds" on my heart even more because I have Jackson now. Although, I do not want to shelter him from EVERY thing (reality has to hit sometime), there are so many things that I want to keep out of his little "bubble". This world has become so much of the devil it is really scary. My prayer is that Wayne and I will raise him to plainly "be careful". Bad decisions are SOOO much easier to make than good ones. We just have to make sure that we are making the decisions that God wants us to make.

Well, I really think I am rambling. I am not sure if this made any sense as I am not sure really what to say. However, here are the words to "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns.

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what you see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Just go away!

Conversation with my mom yesterday:

Mom: You have been home for 3 days and you still haven't blogged.
Me: I know.
(silent pause for thoughts)
Me: I have blogger's block.

Is there really such a thing as blogger's block? I have so MANY things that I could be writing about and I really did pull up the compose screen in blogger several times this week and just could not muster up any way to get started. Nothing. I was lying awake in bed Tuesday night and I was thinking about how I was going to start blogging about my recent trip. I had some good, ehem (excuse me, frog in my throat), great ideas. Did I get up to write them down? Nope. Did I turn my computer on to go ahead and type them up? Obviously not. Did I remember those thoughts the next morning? HA HA! Are you kidding? So, since those thoughts were apparently not as "grand" as I thought... I have been sitting here over the past few days wondering how in the world I should get back to my blogging. I have heard some say, "Just say what you feel." Well, I am sorry guys, but I am not so sure that you would want me to do that all the time! :) And if anyone knows me in the slightest bit, you should know that I have a slight bit of perfectionism in me (please take note to the smaller font in the last sentence, it was done on purpose). So, when a posting doesn't go just as planned, the whole thing just gets knixed (Is that the proper spelling?!?!).

So, are you thinking that I am trying to tell my mom something? Hence the title of this posting and our noted conversation? Hmmm... maybe? :)

Not hardly.

So, you are wondering why I have been home all week? Well, see I have really gotten into all of these blogs lately that are writen by SAHM's (excuse the jargon, that would be "stay at home moms"). Apparently, they are the only moms that have time to sit down and maintain a blog. So, I decided that it was my turn to join that group. They seem to have so much fun! One of them even blogged about being bored this week -- yes, that's right -- B-O-R-E-D!

Oh, hmm... If only that were true. Really, I have been terribly sick this week. But, before I proceed with that, I want to note that I truly think it is a blessing if you are able to be a SAHM. In a lot of ways, I desire that for my family, but at this point in time, that just is not feasible. Oh, and the blogger stating she was bored, it was followed up in her posting that being a SAHM can sometimes seem like you are in a constant rut... doing the same things every day and she was blogging about finding new things to do with her children and other SAHMs/friends. If you are interested in her blog, let me know and I will send you a link to her page. I really do not look down upon moms who are able to stay home, I just get a little frustrated sometimes -- wishing I had more time in my day to spend with my family. I never truly knew that desire until after I had Jackson.

Okay, off the formalities... and on to my ailments. Strep throat and pink eye. Does that sum it up? Two VERY contagious ailments and for me very painful ailments. Last night, it felt as though I had a tiny peice of glass in my upper eyelid that I could not get out. I ended up crying myself to sleep because I just wanted to be better. For the majority of this week, Jackson has been at my mom's. I miss him so much! He did stay here last night because we both think he sleeps better at home. Don't you? I do! We had so much fun, eating dinner together and him enjoying his bath. He has really started to play in the bathtub. Splashing around and throwing water everywhere. :)

Anyway, I was supposed to return to work on Tuesday after my trip (we'll get to that later). But I received the okay to stay out one more day because we were getting in so late Monday and I wanted to spend the day with Wayne, Jackson and Bo. I am glad that I did stay out the additional day. My throat started hurting worse and the pink eye (which started last Friday) was getting worse. So, to the doctor I went on Wednesday. She kept me out of work for Wednesday and Thursday. I knew that I had to take Jackson today for his 15 month appointment, so to make sure I made up time for that (especially since I had been out), I went in at 6 am this morning. I was able to go through my emails and get a few things done before the managers started coming in around 7:30. They all took one good look at me and told me that I needed to go back home. I am really not sure if I am still contagious or not, but they didn't want to take the chance. Then, I started to cry again. My eyes are really taking a beating, by the way. Crying this time out of frustration. I can do so much more at work than I can do here sitting on my couch. I really don't have the extra "sick time" to be out of work. What I am going to do if Jackson get sick later in the year. Wayne keeps telling me that they will probably work with me, and I know that is probably true, but I know also that there are rules and I cannot be an "exception" to those rules when it comes to leave time. So, I painfully made my way out and drove back home and napped for about 2 hours. I guess I needed it. I didn't get good rest last night. But, I want it all to "just go away"! As soon as possible. Jackson and I both ended up sick last Mother's day and on my birthday and I really don't want either of us to be this year.

Well, now that my eyes are burning and my head is starting to hurt, I better quit looking at this screen for a bit. I WILL be back to post about my trip. Stay tuned!

Off to a good start!

Well, I think it has been good for me to know that I have someone to be accountable to. I have had several comments about my last posting about losing weight and it has helped me get off on the right foot (and left). Monday night I walked with my dad and then I took Bo for a little walk later in the evening. Last night, I was tempted to stay in because I really wanted to watch the Biggest Loser but I knew that I still needed to get out. I needed to get a breath of fresh air any way. Oh, and I am glad I did.

I have also committed to myself and my step-mom that I would not eat anything after 7:15pm. Now, this can be a challenge for me as I usually do not get home until around 5:30. Then on top of getting dinner ready, it definitely can be tough. However, it has made me really think about what I do eat before bed time. Last night, Wayne grilled some BBQ pork chops and we had potatoes and corn on the cob. I think I finished just before 7:30. When I got back from walking, it was very hard for me to not snack on something, but I didn’t! I am so proud.

I know that I have to take this one day at a time but hopefully it will only get easier as I get myself into a routine.

I know I can… I know I can… I know I can…

The date is only getting closer...

Ten pounds per month.

Is that really an over stated goal? I think it is attainable. (I really hope that is the word that fits there... checked out dictionary.com and it seems to be.) Being that the wedding is in early December, that basically leaves me eight months. Dropping around 80 pounds would be awesome. Even 60-70 pounds would be great.

My first hurdle: getting out to walk/run/exercise. I will work hard on this in the coming week. Bo would really enjoy an evening in the neighborhood.

Alright followers (even the silent/anonymous ones)... please keep me accountable. I will keep you posted. I promise!

Spring has sprung

And as you can tell, the blog spirit has left me...

In some ways, I don't want to just post pictures for you guys as that is not the purpose of a blog... even though it does capture our lives at that moment of the picture taking, that is where I felt like this blog was going. I want to be able to leave you with something to read, sometimes.

Maybe i am just slight bit frustrated that a photography class I signed up for fell through. I really want to learn how to use my camera the right way... the way it was meant to be used. I totally dislike the "full auto" feature. Yes, it usually takes the best pictures, however, it won't let me not use my flash when I don't want to use my flash. Yes, it may be kind of dark in the room, but I don't want my subject to be bright white because of a camera flash.

But on to brighter thoughts...

Last time you heard from me, Jackson got a hair cut. We have had more compliments on this little fella and his new do! Oh, and he got it just in time for this great new weather we have been having. Supposed to stay in the 80s this week. I am so glad we got an Easter outfit that was with shorts (a shout out thanks to Ben and Jessica). Mom bought him some sandals yesterday and I am really in love with those.

I was able to have a three day weekend with Jackson this weekend. His day care closed Friday, so I took off. Too bad Wayne has to work all weekend. Friday I spent most of the morning with Mom and we went Easter dress shopping for me. :) Love my new dress. Friday afternoon, Jackson took a 3 hour nap and I think mine was about 2 hours. :) We sat outside afterwards and ate some fruit and enjoyed the sunshine.

Today was a morning filled with an Easter egg hunt, then lunch with Wayne and napping. Jackson is still asleep now at 4:15. He will be well rested for the evening. Now, its time to start thinking about our dinner plans. Would love to cook out again (cheeseburgers on the grill were the best last night).

I will leave you with another picture... I took this Friday while Jackson and Bo were playing.

Marriage Retreat Weekend

Well, before the time passes too much more, I will let you know how our weekend on the marriage retreat was. We actually had a good time. Wayne had reservations in the beginning because he just didn’t know a lot of the people. I am not sure if I mentioned this before, but we went with a group from the church that I grew up in. Yes, we have been visiting this church for a few months now, but Wayne was still very unfamiliar with a lot of the people. We were in a house with 4 other couples. Two of the couples were closer to our age and hadn’t been married quite as long as us. The other 2 were older and had been married a bit longer. I think their years of marriage were 11 and 12, maybe?

Friday night was just a time to get settled in and meet the owners of our bed and breakfast homes and check-in. We did have a time with the whole group as an introduction period and we each discussed 2 things that made our marriages stronger. The pastor spoke a few words of encouragement and then we broke to play games and basically settle for the evening.

Saturday morning, we woke bright and early and had breakfast at our homes around 8. I must say that our home owners were wonderful chefs. Breakfast was one of the highlights of our weekend. For most of the morning, we separated into small groups and had discussions about our marriages and how they can benefit (and possibly break down) the church. This time for Wayne and I was very beneficial. During the second session, we were talking about change in the church and change in general. A lot of the topics dealt directly with some of the changes going on in that church specifically so, Wayne and I just kept quiet. Well, someone spoke up and asked us what we felt about change because we had been kind of quiet. It was then, that Wayne really spoke up about some things that had happened to him in the past and a lot about our spiritual walk. By the end, I really started to get emotional. I am not sure why. I think it was more because of the fact that now someone else knew what we (I) had been feeling. Our spiritual life, covering since the time that we met, was laid on the table – by Wayne. Well, I say “our spiritual life”, but really more-so Wayne’s. I think the tears were more tears of joy and relief that our story was out to these other 3 couples. I also think the relief came because he was telling it. He was opening up.

In response, they gave very good insight to what Wayne was saying. One of the ladies and the lead gentleman followed up at the end of our session and stated that we all needed to think about either mentoring or being a mentor to another couple in the church. It definitely will serve as an accountability partner. Not just for one of the spouses, but for both. If you can’t tell already, I have a very soft and tender heart about our spiritual walk. I tread very lightly when it comes to this matter because my conscience gets to me more about this than anything else. I know there are a lot of things that I need to work on when it comes to my faith. There are things that Wayne and I need to work on together.

** Sidenote: Wow, that was much more than I planned to put into this. But, I guess when the words start going, I just can’t stop! Oh, and it does help to put it out there. I guess this is the start of my “diary” part of this blog. **

For the majority of the remainder of the weekend, Wayne and I spent a lot of time together and walking around New Bern. We took a lot of pictures as well, as you can see from my previous posting. We did have a GREAT time watching a lot of the group learning to square dance Saturday afternoon. Now, that… was a HOOT!

All in all, I am really glad that we took the time to go on this retreat. I think this is the beginning of something special for Wayne and me. He may not think the same right now, but maybe in the future, he will look back on this and then think the same.