Contentment

(please note: this is a long one!)
Recently, I have had several battles with being content. I believe that this is evident in many of our lives because we are all human, but I have just been severely struggling with it and I believe Wayne has too. I have blogged about our ventures in trying to pay off some debt and that is going well. We both know that we need to get that off of our shoulders and we have been praying that we never allow ourselves to get there again.

However, both of us are striving so hard these days for the next step in life. Wayne really wants a new house – a bigger house. I, most days, would like to have another child soon so that Jackson will not be so much older than his sibling. I know that it is okay to dream. That is healthy for us; we need to strive to have more. However, I find that at times, these two items just consume us. Consume our daily lives and most of our conversations.

On several different occasions Wayne has told me that he is just tired of me talking to him about another baby. He is tired of everyone saying something to him about another child. I told him that I would do better about it but we are in the time in our lives when others are just going to mention it. We are in the childbearing years and that is what people our age talk about.

I was talking to my mom Saturday evening about all of this and that I had been going through these battles internally. I had mentioned that if I have to stop talking about another child and be content with Jackson, then why can’t he (Wayne) be content with the house that we have. Why do I always have to hear about his plans for the new house, what he wanted to do, where he wanted to build at, etc. The response? The wise words from Mom? “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT!” “Don’t worry about any of it. God, in his perfect timing will provide”. “You will kill each other dealing with this mess.” She is so right.

“Don’t worry about it!” filled my head for the rest of the evening. I have consciously made an effort to quit worry about it. I have prayed that God would help me be content and I have continued to thank him for everything he has provided for us and everything additional that he has allowed us to have.

Yesterday I was driving to get Jackson after work. The thoughts and conversations about all this stuff hadn’t come to my brain so far for the day. However, the radio announcer started introducing the next song… “Waiting Room” by Jonny Diaz (lyrics below)… I had heard this song before and listened to some of the words. However, this time I listened to each word and boy, did it hit home.

God definitely has his perfect plan for our lives. Again, just because Wayne and I want a new house and another child doesn’t mean that we need them right now. God knows what He is doing and if we have to wait a little longer, we need to be happy with that. Even if He tells us no for one of them or both, we have to still continue to praise Him for the blessings that he has given us. There is a reason for every decision that He makes and we must strive to be content with those decisions.

Here in this waiting room yearning for You to say go
And though I’m convinced that a yes would be best
This time You’re telling me no

It’s not that I don’t have an answer
It’s just not the one that I’d like
But through this time Lord I must keep in mind
You’re always wiser than I

You have a much better purpose
And You have a far greater plan
And You have a bigger perspective
Cause You hold this world in your hands

The things that I seek are from You
Like the strong healing touch of your hand
But when You say no help me trust even though
There’s a reason I can’t understand

When that miracle comes cause Your answer is yes
I will praise you for all of my days
But when Your wisdom declares that a no is best
I will praise You just the same

Update

Wow. I thought I was doing a little better about the blogging thing, but time really flies by and before you know it, I am a month and some change over due! As I sit here and ponder things, I feel like so much has happened in the past month but when I really look at my calendar, I find that is not the case. Just normal day-to-day happenings, that’s all.

I will say that our baby is turning into a little boy too quickly! Everyone told me, but things like that seem so surreal until it actually happens – until you actually live it yourself. All three of us have found that walking definitely turns into quite a bit of independence! We are learning so much more about Jackson’s personality and his temperament. He is a curious little fella too. It is so fun just to sit back and watch him sometimes.

He has really gotten the hang of this walking stuff. He almost never crawls anymore and he is steadily getting faster and faster. Sometimes he just non-shalauntly walks through the house just swinging his arms like he doesn't have a care in the world. Side note: I know that I have misspelled "non-shalauntly" because dictionary.com can't find it. However, I wanted to use the word so that is my phonetic spelling. Back on track: I have even caught him a couple of times standing around looking at different things with his hands on his hips! Too cute!

I have got to find a way to get some video posted to the blog because I have a few things I want to share. Guess I will have to pay a visit to Mom's so that I can borrow her wireless internet for a bit.

Speaking of that… the whole no cable/no internet thing is going good so far. We really haven't missed it too, too bad. However, the fall seasons of some of our shows are starting this month so we will just have to live without them. There have been just a few times where Wayne really wished that we had the internet. Looking at things on the internet with his little Blackberry tends to get a bit frustrating.

I did take Jackson to an ENT doctor at the end of August. He had another ear infection. I was not happy with the doctor I saw so I ended up taking him again to a different doctor and office this week. The actually checked his hearing at the second doctor's office (I really thought they should have done that the first time… hence one of the reasons why I was upset the first go-round). The second go-round, I was told that he had really good hearing and he didn't have any more fluid on his ears. However, we have to keep watch of him and if he has another ear infection within 6 to 8 weeks, we will have to go back and consult with the doctor about ear tubes.

We did have one accomplishment this month. No more pacifier! The first ENT doctor told me that the pacifier was the root of all of his ear infections and she wanted me to get rid of it. I am not sure if this was the right way to do it, but I pulled it from him "cold-turkey". He never asked for it. The first night, he cried for about and hour but once I held him for a few seconds, he went right to sleep. After that, I have been able to lay him down and he has done well with getting himself to sleep. Come to find out, the 2nd ENT doctor told me that the whole paci thing was not a valid argument. That frustrated me even more, but you know… it is done with now. I am glad we did it now and not later when he was more attached to it. There are some days when I give myself a guilty conscience and tell my self that he probably really misses it… but I try to get over that quickly because he won't remember it next year.

I guess that is all the updating for now. Maybe this will suffice for a few more days… I will try and post more this weekend … especially the video. Have a good weekend!