I had every intention of updating again last night because I really have a lot on my brain these days. I knew that I was not going to post pictures but I also knew that I had an explanation for you about why. However, my internet decided to quit working, so I guess that was my queue to get off the computer. Oh, and let me just fore-warn you, this is a long posting. I was really surprised that Blogger let me post such a long entry.
I am struggling with posting all of what I am about to say. I am also finding that I am saying that quite often lately. I am not sure if it is because I shouldn’t post it or more so, I am just scared to. Hmm. So, I am just going to quit being scared and just do it. I will know in a day, week, or even month, if I shouldn’t have posted and I will know not to do it again.
All of my thoughts that are floating in my brain right now were re-kindled this weekend when my husband and I had a rather large … shall I say “discussion”? Yeah, I guess that is the nicest way of putting it. Just to give you some background information, and to make a long story short, I absolutely hate to clean my house and I am very lazy when it comes to that. Call me crazy or anything else you want, but that is just me. However, Wayne despises this trait of mine. He is very OCD about everything. Every item in our house needs its own special place. Because we are on opposite ends of the spectrum, it sometimes does get heated when it comes to cleaning our house. So, you can just imagine what happens when it goes a week or so when I haven’t “helped” around the house. Do I know that I have a problem? Yes! Do I want to fix it? Yes, until I get home and have to fix it. I really hope that I am not the only one out there like this. Well, I hope my mom and I are not the only ones out there like this. :) (Love you, Mom!)
Well, during our “discussion” this weekend, I was told that I was an awesome mother to Jackson but was a “not-so-great helpmeet” to Wayne. I am aware of this. So, everything he told me was NOT news to me. Ever since Jackson was born, I have struggled with balancing my time. It is not easy being a mom that works outside of the home full time. I want so bad to spend more time with Jackson and Wayne as well, but there never seems to be enough time in the day. When I get home, I just want to spend as much time as I can with Jackson and my family, in general -- I don’t want to clean. However, I don’t want to do it on the weekends either… and know that is where my laziness kicks in. I have also faced the fact that my computer time has been consuming my evenings as well (after Jackson goes to bed). If it is not Facebook, it is my blog or reading other blogs. In the process of updating my blog, it takes time to think and write as well as edit pictures. I am also a perfectionist when it comes to all things creative in my life, so editing pictures never takes less than 30 minutes to an hour.
So, now, I am finally getting to the point of why I don’t have pictures for you in this posting… I have made a decision to back off of my computer usage. I can tell you that I have only opened my Facebook account twice in the last 4 days… Please know that is a serious accomplishment for me. I know that all of you LOVE my blog and would hate to see me leave it, but I have to find different priorities. I am not telling you that I am going to quit. I don’t want to quit. In some ways, I do feel this is an outlet for me and my thoughts. I also love to update you all with how Jackson is growing and what he is doing “today”. However, it may turn into a weekly blog. I know there are some times it ends up being longer than a week for postings… but I promise to not leave you forever. I just need to figure out a schedule that I can work with that allows me to balance everything in my life. Is that possible? We’ll see…
Well, I have a whole nother (wow, that is not proper English!) story/entry to give you. And I was going to try and do them together, but this has really been long enough already! So, maybe tomorrow…
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