Random...

Okay, so I started typing this blog post last Thursday. I know that I started it when I was in a lull and was kind of having a sad kind of day. I seem to have those more often these days, but that is beside the point and way off subject – will save it for another day. As I re-read what I had typed, I realized there was no point or aim and it even seemed to be very sporadic... It is almost like I wrote each paragraph on a different day or something. I have often thought I could create this blog into a journal for myself and I have expressed that some through some of my posts, but I also think that I don’t want to “bare all” on the world wide web for EVERYONE to read! However, do I need an outlet? Yes, I just have to really consider what that will be.


So here goes (everything in italics is what I wrote last week -- if not in italics, I added tonight to make the entry flow a little better):

On this upcoming holiday, when we celebrate a day of love, I often times have bitter sweet emotions about the whole thing. I am really not sure why. Maybe it is because every year I always feel like my husband will not have the inclination to do something for me and then he does and I get on a super high! (Um, just as I did again this year!) Why do I put so much weight into one day of the year? I have no idea. I am a female; I guess it is just in my nature. I don’t know why I underestimate him so much because he always comes through for me! I love him so much for it too! I love him for MANY other reasons too! (Just as an FYI – I am not sure where this posting is coming from but I figured I would pull away from my normal Jackson happenings for something different for a change.)

Here’s some history... I met the man of my dreams just over 14 years ago. We didn’t know it then, but the Lord had many plans for the two of us. We actually didn’t start dating until about 10 and a half years ago. My now husband is not much of a romantic kind of guy. He shows his love in different ways but most of the time it is not the “goo-goo”/ “gaa-gaa”/ aww kind of love – if you know what I mean. Yes, I will get a card every now and then… or a special night on the town, and if I have been really good, I may get a special note in my car when I least expect it (those are my favorite). He is definitely not much of a note writer. However, I can’t say he hasn’t ever been because when we were in high school and when I went off to college, I received notes all the time. But, I guess that was one of those learned skills that just died off and became non-existent after marriage. Or did we both just become too comfortable with each other and the dating/courtship phase of our relationship kinda died down? Now, I have to say that I love it when we go on a "date" now. It is always nice to be able to put reality behind us for an evening and just worry about the two of us. We probably need to do that more ofthen than we are.

This is where I think I just went way off track...

Recently, we were having a “bonding” moment, at my brother calls it, where we were just talking to each other in bed before falling asleep. (Those are the times when I feel like we get our true heart-to-hearts. No distractions -- well, except Bobo every once in a while trying to get under the covers.) A few weeks before, I had requested that we each make two lists. One list was to name everything we love about each other and the other list was to name everything we disliked about each othe. We began discussing our items and it was kind of funny to really think about the differences in the types of responses I gave to what he gave. His pertained to a lot of physical things, like doing some house cleaning, taking care of Jackson, and some intimate things. My lists however, spoke of many spiritual/emotional items... such as how he made me feel and our spiritual walk. It really just goes to show how different a man and woman think. I have always known that we were different, of course, but it is times like this that make me really think about the fact.

I heard a commercial on the radio last week for a jewelry store, I believe. I am not sure what the item was that the guy was promoting but what I do remember is that it was about Valentine's Day. The man said, "Guys, I don't care how many times she tells you that she doesn't want anything for the big day, she is lying. She may even tell you that she doesn't know what she wants, but she does. Make sure you are ready with a gift for her!" I guess what I am really trying to say is that yes, I love to receive little love notes in my car, flowers every once in a while at work, or a nice card on our anniversary. However, I don’t want him to feel like he “has” to do something for me. I do love my husband with every ounce in me. I do complain sometimes but I don't know what I would do without him! I do appreciate EVERYTHING he does for me. Wayne, I know I show appreciation in different ways but I really do thank you. For everything.

I think I feel better now. Thanks for letting me get this out and I hope it didn't confuse you too much...